instead of deleting messages from your ipad, would it work to change your view to unread messages only? that way they would still be on the server for her to read but would not remain showing in your inbox.

jerdog said

want to monitor wifes ebay messages as it is my account too. her ebay account on different server than Gmail. want to be able to delete monitored messages from my Ipad 2 but not the server, which consequently deletes her mail before she gets it.

Thanks for the hint..